Day 2 - 1/5/13

So today I was meeting with a few other students to talk about school stuff (in case you didn't know, I'm on student council) and I didn't eat anything for lunch. Can I just say, that is the second day I've done that so far, and I still feel great and rarely feel hungry! I just told people I ate already or would eat later. My best friend, let's call her...Jamie, asked if I ate lunch (very skeptically, I might add) because she never saw me get food at the cafeteria. I just lied and said I ate some food I brought from home... *sigh* I don't really like lying, and I'm not particularly good at it (I always start smiling), but for this, it's worth it.

Right now, it's almost 6:30 and my parents are eating dinner. I think they forgot about me being home, because I'm in my room, silently writing this, so let's just hope they think I ate something for dinner. I kind of like this eat-breakfast-but-fast-for-the-rest-of-the-day diet. I might keep it up for longer... In case you don't know why it's super important to eat breakfast, it's because if you don't the body thinks you're starving (which you are, just purposefully) so the next time you eat something, it stores every calorie and every bit of fat, just in case you can't eat sooner. So to avoid that, just take a few bites of protein filled food.

So I was at a school basket ball game, and a mom of one of the other girls came up to me and basically complemented me on how skinny I had gotten. In all fairness, it has been a while since she saw me, but she's not the first mom to have said this in the past month or so. It's gotten me thinking; was I fatter than I thought I was before??? Has there been such a drastic change in my body since the dieting has started? When I look in the mirror, I only see more fat that could be taken off. I see a fat girl who needs that gap between her legs. I know I need to keep my stomach flat and my arms skinny if I ever want to be considered pretty.

I know what I have to do, because Ana told me to do it.

The Menu (That I don't really follow, but it's helpful)

Here are my rules that I try to follow, but usually end up eating way less. Most of the workouts are YouTube videos, so check them out!

Monday:

Breakfast: ½ Peanut Butter Banana Toast

Lunch: Greek Yogurt

Dinner: 3 Carrots, 3 Raspberries

Workout: Cassey Ho & Ashley Borden: Amazing Thigh Workout

Tuesday:

Breakfast: ½ cup Scrambled Egg White

Lunch: 1 Energy Bar

Dinner: 1/2 Apple, 4 Pistachios

Workout: Lean Legs for Short Halloween Skirts Routine

Wednesday:

Breakfast: 1/4 Oatmeal Packet

Lunch: 1 Cracker, 4 Almonds

Dinner: 2 Carrots, Apple

Workout: Love Your Legs Workout | Tone It Up Tuesdays

Thursday: Tea Day

Breakfast: 1/4 Oatmeal Packet

Lunch: 7 Almonds, 3 Blackberries

Dinner: Carrots, (Unfinished Blackberries)

Workout: Exercises for Long and Lean Legs | Perfect Form With Ashley Borden

Friday: Tea Day

Breakfast: ½ cup Scrambled Egg White

Lunch: 4 Blackberries, 2 Pistachios

Dinner: Cereal, (Unfinished food)

Workout: Moves for Leaner Legs | The Yoga Solution With Tara Stiles

Saturday:

Breakfast: Milk, Bar

Lunch: 2 Crackers, 2 Carrots

Dinner: (Unfinished Carrots), 1-2 Strawberries

Workout: Long, Lean Dancer's Legs Pilates Workout | Pilates Bootcamp With Cassey Ho

Sunday: Tea Day

Breakfast: Cereal, Milk

Lunch: ½ cup Scrambled Egg White

Dinner: 10 Almonds

Workout: Walk/Run on treadmill (45 mins)

My (potentially helpful) Rules for Anorexia

1. Exercise every day, no matter what.
2. Eat as little as possible in every given situation, and only eat when people are watching you. However, always eat some breakfast, and try to fast for the rest of the day.
3. When people aren't watching - exercise. It is habitual for me, when people walk out of a room, to start running on the spot, jumping up and down, doing squats or sit-ups, ect.
4. Only drink water and tea. Always choose fat-free dairy. NEVER choose full cream.
5. Wear lots of layers or baggy clothes. It makes you look fuller, so people won't notice
6. To ignore cravings, go for a walk, run, or pick a suggestion from you distraction box. (Distraction boxes are SUPER helpful, fyi)
7. Always be the last to finish eating. Chew each mouthful about 20-30 times. Drink 1-2 glasses of water before, during, and after meals.
8. Go to bed early, and rise up early
9. Never eat in from of the television/computer
10. Eat for fuel, not for pleasure. Be kind to your mind and don't let any inkling of guilt or stress due to overeating defile it.

Day 1 - 1/4/13

Monday, Feb. 4
99.55 pounds

Today at lunch was great! I got food from the cafeteria and sat with my usual friends. Instead of eating, I pushed my food around and talked while moving a fork with a piece of food on it. This way, they think every time I pick up my fork, it’s a new bit of food, but it’s not! For the first time in a while, no one mentioned me not eating and that made me feel really happy.

Today I had Breakthrough for the first time, but sadly found out they force you to get snack if you’re under 18. That’s a stupid rule! I just sat there awkwardly, and gave my food to my kids when they were finishing theirs. Thankfully, they took it; I don’t know what I would’ve done if they hadn’t! God, how I hate the idea of stuffing food into my pockets (it’s not like I had pockets today, anyway) and really wish there is another way to get rid of food secretly!

Okay, so my dad just came with a bunch of disgusting fatty ribs from the Super Bowl and was trying to get me to eat! Jesus, that guy is persistent! I lied and said I ate at Breakthrough (actually, I didn’t lie, because I said “they served food at breakthrough” which they did, I just didn’t eat any of it!

So I was drinking water in the kitchen, trying to forget about my hunger, when my dad walks in and starts questioning what I ate today. (What protein/vegetables did you eat for lunch today? How much? Did you eat it all? Have you eaten dinner? Ect.) So I freaked out and made up some story about how I was nervous because I had a spanish presentation the next day...then he started talking and I got him off topic so that was good...